prattle

THEN IM A FUCKING HEFALUMP!

Because that is how absurd the concept is. 

Somebody is showing these photos of what looks like a brunette Jessica Simpson and trying to pass it off as Britney spears. Here are two photos taken days apart:

Shes proabably stupid enough that the production company decided to do the shoot twice, once with Brit-Brit and once with a body double. Then they can just superimpose the head, it would probably cost less than all the photoshoping they would need to do.  "Thats really me y'all?" She wishes.

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"Which actress seeking music cred has a singer boyfriend who "cheats on her relentlessly with the lower East Side groupie girls who follow around his band?"

 Well she played Simon's gf on Seventh Heavan.  Maybe its the cheerleader from heros.

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Photo Credit

I love bad movies as much as the next guy, actually probably a lot more than the next guy. I live for bad movies. I liked Eragon. But not even I could sit through this crap.

 That being said, J-Lo (or is she just Jennifer now, I can't keep up with her, and her ex's ever changing names) and Marc Antony are going on tour together.  This will probably amount to two hours of the live performance of Gigli. Did she not learn with Ben Afflick?  Ben Afflick is a better actor than Marc Anthony is a singer. How on earth could her manager think this is a good idea... unless her manager is Tom Cruise and he's trying to torpedo her career like he did Katie's in an effort to draw all scientologiests together. It could totally happen.

Im afraid for Britney Spear's life.  Apparently Benidict Sims has offered to provide solid expamples of how Britney is an unfit mother so that K-Fed will get full custody of the children. 

 My prediction: If she loses her kids and does not get help Britney may kill herself. I just hope she doesn't take her children with her. Actaully, I also hope she gets help and I'm wrong.

Too many people are against Britney (for good reason) and she needs serious help. She's cleary paranoid, I hope this doesn't set her over the edge.

Allie shouldn't be in Spears life anyway.  What kind of friends allows another friend to behave that way?  Sounds like someone was keeping her enimies close.  I wonder how much seathing jealousy Allie has or what Brit-Brit did during their childhood to ellicit that much hatred.

Holy Moly is reporting that Lily Allen has just confirmed that she and her new best friend Courtney Love have split up.  According to HM this is confirmed over Lily's myspace.  Since I love Lily to death, i subscribe to her blog. I didn't see this message, but I like this little nugget of news anyway.

According to Holy Moly, Lily Said:

"I am not bfs C Love, one night with her made me realise why Kurt killed himself. I nearly checked into rehab"

Now if this bit of gossip is true ms. Courtney should have some piece of crap post on her blog sometime in the next 15 minutes. Of course it will need translating, but i speak cokehead, so it should be fine.

I love the balls on this girl.  Courtney will cut her ass if she gets a chance.

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"The Insider" reports that Dina Lohan (a/k/a Mom-ager, f/k/a White Oprah, a/k/a Stage Mom From Hell) has spoken out saying:

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  Ignore Katie. I am a strong believer that when a girl's gotta dance, a girl's gotta dance may it be the charleston, the butterfly, the chicken noodle soup, the humpty or the chicken dance.  I believe this for men too, however no one should ever, EVER make that face in public. That being said, Tom looks like that creepy guy in the club. You know the one, na-asty, covered in sweat, and stalking your ass. Everytime you turn around he's behind you with that exact facial expression with his pelivs thrust towards you like stick looking for water. My favorite part of this entire pitcure is the man in the stipped shirt and kahki's. I know that in reality he's probably just dancing, but he looks HORRIFIED, as does the Dina Lohan lookalike with the 80's sex hair against the wall.

 Remember when Tom Cruise was hott? I barely do too, which is why I posted a photo of him at the bottom of this post circa top gun. Becuase one must realize that even what is pictured below can become that guy that stands near the ladies room waiting for you to come back out. "Shawty, can I get your number?" 

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 I give it a week. Then Pratt (ha ha ha) will be at Jenner's door with flowers crying and and telling Jenner it was all a horrible mistake. Jenner's such a bitch, you know he'll take him right back and they will have ranchy makeup sex.

 OR MTV will script a big bitch fight, and then a sappy make up scene. Which ever sells better with the photogs.

Bros before Hoes dude.

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   What I don't get is that I can get my broke ass in a cab and pay the $30.00 fare, when these girls who are rich beyond my wildest dreams, (i bet they even have to eat spaghetto's once a week, much less 3 or 4 times) can't get thier rich asses in a cab or a friggin' limo. What does a limo cost for the night? 500 bucks? What was Nicoles bail? $10,000.00, Lilo's? 25,000. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE GIRLS!

   I want to be their assistants becuase i feel it would fully consist of saying "dont be a dumbass" and "hello, yellow cab? i need a cab now, thanks." Most cabs only charge an extra 20 bucks if you puke in it and look the other way at sex in the back seat. What do these girls have to lose? Certainly not 30 grand in bail, or you know someonelses' life. Did they not learn from Lane Garrison and Vince Neil? Apparently not.

throw the fuckin' book at her.

Jennifer Garner can probably play piano with those toes. I bet Ben loves them, you know hes na-asty like that. ( Celebslam)

Kate and Pete sex tape - and by sex tape they mean high and limp tape ( Yeeeah!)

Is anyone else so over these people? ( Pop Sugar)

You be the judge ( DListed)

Slow news day today becuase nobody wants to report on anything but Lilo's litttle mistake. I think I've pretty much covered everything that needs covering, except that shes faking rehab once again. 3rd times a charm? Riiiiiiight.  Who really cares?